Lincoln's Birthday Basket

The Lincoln Classic is fast approaching! If you haven’t signed up, you have until this weekend. So hurry up!

Attendees can participate in golf+dinner ($100), or dinner only ($30). Let me know if you want to sign up!

Along with dinner, there are also awesome raffle baskets. Last year John and I decided we wanted to choose “Lincoln’s Birthday Basket” as one of the raffle items. With Lincoln’s birthday coming up it was nice to have a reason to pick something he would have liked for his birthday and use it for a good cause. This year we did the same thing.

So what do we think 3-year-old Lincoln would like for his birthday? We recently moved in to a new house that needed some work and John has been working his butt off fixing it up. If Lincoln were getting ready to turn three he’d be watching dad hard at work, using lots of tools. And we think he’d love this fun tool bench:

We're so excited for someone to win it at the Lincoln Classic! It just arrived today and it looks awesome.

I'll be honest - I cried picking it out. I also cried at the store ordering it. Which turned out ok I guess because Toys R Us ended up donating half of the cost. Thank you, Toys R Us! And then I cried when it arrived today. This one wasn't easy or pretty. But absolutely worth it to be able to do something to remember our peanut Lincoln. We love you, Lincoln!

This blog

I’ve thought a lot about what to do with this blog. I’ve written a couple of entries over the past year because doing so is therapeutic for me. I didn’t share because I’ve talked to other loss moms and I know what inevitably happens. I’ve written about it before and it’s the reality of life after loss.

The entries are loss related. They talk about things like going through the holidays without Lincoln but with Harrison, grieving on the 2^nd anniversary of Lincoln’s death while still parenting and smiling for Harrison, and coming to terms with Harrison becoming “older” than Lincoln did on earth (that one was especially difficult for me).  About moving to a neighborhood where people never knew Lincoln and handling the question “Is Harrison your only child?” and about the reality of Lincoln being looked over and forgotten as one of our children in little ways people with the best intentions don’t even notice. And like I said, if I share these entries I know what inevitably happens. Enough time passes that someone says “It’s time to move on.”

Reading that statement, a lot of my friends and family would say “No, that’s ridiculous, no one would say that.” But the experience of the loss community tells me they would. Not maliciously. Maybe they just want me to feel “better”, or maybe seeing references to child loss scares them because it reminds them that it could happen to anyone. Maybe they see me and think I look and act fine so I’m just being dramatic. I can’t pretend to understand their motives. But I know it happens to almost every loss parent I’ve met. And it sucks. Some days you let it slide off your back, but sometimes it catches you on a bad day and it cuts straight to the bone. 

However, like I said, writing is therapeutic for me. So I’m going to get over myself and keep this blog open. If I feel the need to write additional entries I’m going to share them. Maybe I’ll help someone understand loss a little better, and maybe they’ll avoid saying something well-intended but hurtful to another loss parent. That would be nice.