This blog

I’ve thought a lot about what to do with this blog. I’ve written a couple of entries over the past year because doing so is therapeutic for me. I didn’t share because I’ve talked to other loss moms and I know what inevitably happens. I’ve written about it before and it’s the reality of life after loss.

The entries are loss related. They talk about things like going through the holidays without Lincoln but with Harrison, grieving on the 2^nd anniversary of Lincoln’s death while still parenting and smiling for Harrison, and coming to terms with Harrison becoming “older” than Lincoln did on earth (that one was especially difficult for me).  About moving to a neighborhood where people never knew Lincoln and handling the question “Is Harrison your only child?” and about the reality of Lincoln being looked over and forgotten as one of our children in little ways people with the best intentions don’t even notice. And like I said, if I share these entries I know what inevitably happens. Enough time passes that someone says “It’s time to move on.”

Reading that statement, a lot of my friends and family would say “No, that’s ridiculous, no one would say that.” But the experience of the loss community tells me they would. Not maliciously. Maybe they just want me to feel “better”, or maybe seeing references to child loss scares them because it reminds them that it could happen to anyone. Maybe they see me and think I look and act fine so I’m just being dramatic. I can’t pretend to understand their motives. But I know it happens to almost every loss parent I’ve met. And it sucks. Some days you let it slide off your back, but sometimes it catches you on a bad day and it cuts straight to the bone. 

However, like I said, writing is therapeutic for me. So I’m going to get over myself and keep this blog open. If I feel the need to write additional entries I’m going to share them. Maybe I’ll help someone understand loss a little better, and maybe they’ll avoid saying something well-intended but hurtful to another loss parent. That would be nice.